Paying the Iron Price: Doing Difficult Things
"No man gives me a crown. I pay the iron price." - Balon Greyjoy
“The ironborn are a race of pirates and thieves.” - Denys Mallister.
In George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, the Iron Islands are one of the Seven Kingdoms in Westeros. They are home to a brutal, fierce, and punishing people who refer to themselves as the ironborn. Life is unforgiving for the ironborn. The land is barren, and the surrounding sea is cruel. They developed a harsh, violent culture centered around sailing, raiding, and plundering. As Theon Greyjoy puts it: “War was an ironman’s proper trade.”
One of my favorite aspects of ironborn culture is the concept of the iron price. I won’t forget the moment it was introduced to me—I loved it right away. Theon Greyjoy finally returns home to the Iron Islands after growing up a political prisoner in a foreign land. Balon, the king and his father, wants to see if his son is still ironborn at heart.
“That bauble around your neck—did you pay the iron price for it? Or the gold?” Balon asks his son before him.
Theon doesn’t say a word. He only looks up dejectedly.
“I asked you a question,” Balon continues, “Did you pull it from the neck of a corpse you made? Or did you buy it to match your fine clothes?…Iron?…Or gold?”
“Gold.” Theon relents.
Balon rips the bauble from Theon without hesitation. He is disgusted by the man before him.
It’s glaringly clear in that brief moment why Theon deserves zero respect. Fuck you, Theon. You paid the gold price. You’ve earned nothing.
To ironborn there are two prices for everything: the gold price and the iron price. True ironborn pay the iron price. They take what they want by defeating their enemies. People outside of the Iron Islands pay the gold price because they have no choice.
They cannot afford the iron price.
“If the road is easy, you're likely going the wrong way.” - Terry Goodkind
While that’s cool and all in the land of Westeros, the actual definition of iron price has no place in real life. What resonates so strongly about that concept is not only are the Iron Islands cool as hell, but the idea of earning things through hardship and significant effort. Whatever the thing, it matters because it was difficult to obtain. Because there is a heavy cost. The difficulty gives it meaning. I’ve found that it tends to be more intangible things, or experiences.
After a tough weight lifting session followed by conditioning that makes me want to spit out my lungs, eating a large meal feels earned. I paid the iron price for that meal. I paid the iron price for my quads. After getting to work early all week and putting in a lot of effort, a night out on the weekend feels a thousand percent deserved. I paid the iron price for it. After hours of research, trial & error, I know how to make a fantastic cheesecake. Of course that would be the end result—I paid the iron price.
It can even be something trivial as winning a particularly hard level in a video game. It’s why I love FromSoftware games. It’s why Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is one of the absolute greatest games of all time. Even though 95% of the time you’re stressed out.
I like to think of paying the iron price as “I have this, because of significant effort on my part”.
In contrast, I believe you are paying the gold price when it feels hollow—undeserved. There’s nothing wrong with getting something for little. We’re not ironborn. We won’t be shamed for paying the gold price. In real life you gotta take those wins.
I don’t want to make it seem like I’m one of those people projecting this image of always grinding, always hustling, or I’ll sleep when I die. Most of my time is spent coasting, doing regular things. I commute to work, take care of my responsibilities at work, eat food, and go to sleep. There are maybe a handful of moments in a day where I have to crank up the focus. Usually it’s something urgent at work, and when I’m lifting weights. But it can be anything that I’m putting my mind to. As odd as it sounds, one of those things recently has been saying hello in a nice way—good eye contact and clear voice.
Even though those moments constitute only a small portion of my everyday life, I remember them the most clearly. It’s not like spending a day at the spa. It’s nerve wracking because I might fail.
But I really believe that feeling of “paying the iron price” guides me. It helps me know what’s important. Even though sometimes it sucks, I feel I gain a lot of clarity in my life. Sometimes my body is so beat and I might cough out my lungs. I don’t know how I’ll be able to do it again the next week. But afterwards I’m proud of myself. It took me some time but I eventually learned something very important for myself.
I need to seek out and do difficult things. I sleep easier.